I don't know about you, but I've always struggled with finding out who I am, and being confident in myself. My whole life, I've felt like I've chased my own tail trying to figure out my identity. So many people have told me what they think I should be, and I've always listened, not realizing they know me about as well as I did (which is, not well). I was too busy trying to live up to the expectations of my family and friends to stop and ask, "Is this really what I feel called to? Do I believe this about myself? Who am I, really?"
It also doesn't help that I'm indecisive. It's taken the first twenty years of my life to grapple with the fact that my identity comes from God, not from the family I was born into, the friends I hang around with, or the occupation God called me to. Once I had that solid foundation, and believe me, I'm still working on staying firm in that truth, it came time to wait on God to reveal Himself to me. I know what you're thinking: I'm supposed to be finding myself, not God. But that's the thing with us weirdo Christians; we have to prayerfully wait for God to reveal Himself to us so that we know first and foremost who we belong to. And He did not disappoint. The Hall directors for my dorm decided to do a short book club thing for J-Term. (If you're not familiar with the term, J-term is a three-ish week semester in the month of January, where you can take up to four credit hours or study abroad.) Now, I love books and reading, so I wanted to join one. The assistant hall director, who was in charge of the group I'm in, chose the book "Scary Close" by Donald Miller. In short, it's about intimacy and learning how to be open and trusting in friendships, family, and romantic relationships. To be completely transparent with you, I knew immediately this was the group I needed to choose because trusting people in general is not one of my strengths. What I found as I read through this book, while I don't share a lot of similarities with the author and his life, I realized one thing we have in common: there came a point in both of our lives that we became too careful. For Miller, it was because of new-found his success as a writer. For me, it was trusting people who didn't value me or my writing. I've been hurt so many times by other people for a variety of reasons that I just stopped showing myself and talking about things I'm passionate about. I normally don't like talking to people because, in one way or another, I end up walking away from the conversation with a bruised heart. And I can't do that anymore. In chapter eleven of his book, Miller outlines this "list of new freedoms" after his decision to strive to be himself. All of the things on his list are things I want to work on, too, like being passionate and strong in my beliefs and being okay with the fact that I'm going to be wrong from time to time (list found on page 148 of the book). I encourage you to read "Scary Close." It's given me a new perspective on myself I've never had before. You can find it on Amazon if you click here. You can find Donald Miller on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram if you tap the underlined social media titles, and I will see you next time! Happy Writing!
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L.P. MetzgerJust a girl with a dream, but you already knew that. Archives
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